Losing a Wedding Ring Diamond: How to Find Calm in Crisis Situations with my RBA Method

“I kind of want to talk about the elephant in the room, which is, what do you do when you lose something as precious as a diamond from your wedding ring? It could be a massive trigger for high-functioning anxiety or just full-blown anxiety. I could have actually had a panic attack, to be honest with you.” ~Dr. Lisa Hartwell

Aloha and welcome,

Ever lost something super precious? Let’s talk about the time recently when I lost the diamond from my wedding ring and how it became a powerful lesson on managing how high-functioning anxiety helped me to actually focus and remain calm.

In this episode of Anxiety Ease, I break down how high-functioning anxiety can serve as a helpful alert system rather than a debilitating force.

Ever lose something incredibly valuable like I did? Instead of panicking, use anxiety as your GPS. My RBA method found in my book helped me stay grounded. Here's the link to get your signed copy: Cultivating Professional Success: Even When High Functioning Anxiety Drives You To The Edge .

You can turn your stress or a crisis into a tool for finding calm and control too.

Mahalo for listening,
Dr. Lisa Hartwell

Transcript

I kind of want to talk about the elephant in the room, which is, what do you do when you lose something as precious as a diamond from your wedding ring? And it could be a massive trigger for high functioning anxiety or just full blown anxiety. I could have actually had a panic attack, to be honest with you. Aloha and welcome.

Aloha. Hey. Hey, my fellow high achievers. I wanted to let you know that I came up with a little mini guide to help you get back to sleep. And I know what it's like when your head hits the pillow, and that is the minute the overthinking kicks in, doesn't it? And that's why most of my folks with high functioning anxiety, to be honest with you, that's why they call me. They say they can't sleep and they're so tired and they kind of need help with just getting back to sleep.

And of course, we kind of know that it's high functioning anxiety, but we got to get you to sleep first before we address anything else. So I just created a little mini guide for you. It's going to cost you less than a cup of coffee or two that you usually have to probably get through your day. So go ahead and check out the link in the show notes and let me know what you think. Happy sleeping.

Hey there, friends. Welcome back to another episode of the Anxiety east podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Lisa Hartwell, and today we're going to dive into a bit of a personal story that happened that's really all about managing your high functioning anxiety.

Frankly, in the face of a little sparkle gone missing. And yep, you guessed it. I'm talking about how recently I lost the diamond in my wedding ring. Actually, my engagement ring. So grab your beverage, let's have a chat. So I recently was sitting at working on my computer while my son was in his orchestra practice and just kind of chatting with one of the orchestra directors, conductors. And we were chatting across the table, and I looked down at my hand, and I noticed my diamond was missing out of the setting. And the most interesting happened was my heart sank for sure.

But I didn't get anxious. I actually felt a deep, deep sadness. And it wasn't anything like, oh, I gotta get up and frantically looking for it. Where did it go? All over the floor. Because meanwhile, this conductor is super sweet. He's in his eighties, and he's super brilliant. So I was trying, and he didn't even notice what happened? That I noticed, and I didn't say anything. I just sat there, and I thought I was retracing my steps.

When's the last time I saw it? On my hand, which, you know, we've been together 19 years, married 18. And so it isn't like I look at it all the time anymore and, you know, check on it. I just sort of take it for granted that it's always there. And all of these analogies were popping up into my head is what happened. And it just, like I said, I had this deep sadness, and it was sort of like, oh, what does it mean? Does it mean something like, you know, dramatic is going to happen in our marriage, or does it mean that I need to reset and refocus and pay attention to what's important? And just had so many different thoughts. And then immediately my brain after, I kind of took some breaths and looked around on the floor because I was thinking, oh, I wonder if it just kind of fell out while I was sitting here. And so he went back in, because there's two conductors, so they switch off. So when he got up, I got up and started looking around on the floor for something shiny.

And it's, you know, it's a carrot or so diamond. So it's a pretty good size, enough to see, but it's also very unique. It's a heart shaped diamond that my husband got and set. And so it's a very important part of our relationship, and I couldn't find it anywhere. And so I thought, okay, well, I guess we'll retrace our steps. I had taken our son out for dinner. We went out to dinner before he went to practice because we had gone shopping before that for some clothes that he was needing. And I thought, all right, well, we'll just retrace our steps.

But I could have swore remembered seeing it because we had gone out for sushi and I remember wiping my hands. That's all I remembered, was, okay, well, I think it was there. I remember wiping my hands with, you know, hand sanitizer and such, and really panicky at all. I just was thinking, we'll just retrace my step. It's got to be around somewhere. And the second thought that I kept having was, it's gone. It's literally gone. So if somebody finds a diamond on the ground, it's not like they're going to post it on Facebook and say, hey, I found this diamond.

Does this belong in somebody's wedding ring? I just accepted in that moment that it was gone. Didn't even have any mind racing or nothing. I had two thoughts. I'll either find it or I'm not. There's really only two choices, because if somebody else finds it first, it's gone. And how I felt about that was obviously some sadness. But, you know, I kind of want to talk about the elephant in the room, which is, what do you do when you lose something as precious as a diamond from your wedding ring? And it could be a massive trigger for high functioning anxiety or just full blown anxiety. I could have actually had a panic attack, to be honest with you, you know, frantically looking for it.

I probably could have went and pulled my son out of his practice if I was really out of control with my anxiety, I suppose. But I knew he would be a trooper and probably be just as anxious to look for it as I was. But for those of us who deal with high functioning anxiety, and especially clinical anxiety, it feels sometimes like our brains go into overdrive. But you know how I live, right? Here's the thing. High functioning anxiety actually is a helpful alert system. It's truly like our internal gps guiding us to navigate stress and find calm. Because if I went into panic mode, there is no way I could retrace my steps and think about how to navigate this situation. And now I know what you're thinking.

How on earth can anxiety, especially in this situation, be helpful? And let me tell you a secret. I've been doing this a long time, and so when I noticed that my diamond was missing a yes, my anxiety kicked in, probably after a little bit of instant sadness. But instead of spiraling, I was super intentional at that table. Super. I sat there for a second and I took a deep breath, and really, I know my RBA method by heart because I wrote about it, right. And it really stands for this idea of getting anchored and recognizing in the moment what's happening. And in that moment, I knew two things. I was either going to find it or I wasn't.

And the second one was really breathing and getting into this piece of in an instant. You know, my brain did a fast overview of our marriage in that second, which is really a developmental thing of the representation of what this diamond meant. But then I knew at some point it wasn't always about in that moment, about our marriage. It was the third step, which was acting, taking action, and applying everything, all of my skills, all of the knowledge that I had and deciding what the next steps were. My RBA method is my trusty tool for managing these highly, highly anxious moments for people. But this is really how it went down. Step one, I acknowledged my feelings. I recognized, acknowledged, and I angered.

I didn't push them away. I didn't try to pretend everything was fine. It wasn't fine at all. And I said to myself, like I said, I was super intentional. There's just lots of things going on in that moment, and, um, kind of, you know, not want to really call attention to myself in those moments. So I thought, okay, well, I'm feeling anxious. This is a super big deal, and that's okay. And it's like recognizing your emotions or shining a flashlight in a dark room.

It really helps you see what's going on. So you can move into step two, which is really taking a breath, you know, just taking a deep breath and getting into that piece where everybody talks about breathing, but, you know, there is a reason for that, which is it helps you ground be grounded, and it sends a signal to your brain that I'm safe, that everything's okay, and I just need to stay calm so I can think logically what the next steps would be. And from there, like I said, even though I had that tape, that videotape running super quickly developmentally about what was going on, I knew in that moment that I have to keep myself grounded so I could move into the step three, which was really taking action and applying everything I know and not letting my anxiety paralyze me. I started retracing my steps. I thought about where we just were, what we were doing, where it possibly had fallen out. And obviously, I enlisted the help of my son when he came out of his practice. And, you know, he immediately went into a hunting mode. He was about 30 steps ahead of me with a flashlight on my phone looking on it because it was dark outside already, too.

And we turned into this treasure hunt, and we went back all the way to the car in the parking garage. It was kind of a bit of a walk from the parking garage all the way for where he practices and then didn't see it. And we said, well, let's go ahead and go back to the parking spot where we were. Because the only thing I could think of is it must have caught on something. Maybe my seatbelt or he tore my car park, took everything out of the car, on the floor and the carpets and in the seats and everything. Didn't find it. Went back to the target parking lot, went back to Genki sushi. And I just figured it was gone at that moment.

It was gone. And so we went home, and of course, it was like, figure out how to. I texted my husband so I wouldn't have to, like, say it out loud and cry when I got home. So I just texted him. And of course he, you know, responded lovingly or what have you. And so, um, he just kept saying, where did you look this? And he went out to the car and. And then, you know, I thought he said, well, it might be in your office. Maybe it was your office.

No, it wasn't. It's not in my office. Because I remember seeing it after we ate and I had washed my hands and such, and so I just didn't feel like even thinking about it anymore. Just wanted to kind of let it go and just resolve that it's probably not. It's probably gone. And so the next day, I went to my office and I thought, you know, I can go ahead and look for it. I highly doubt if by now I'm going to find it anywhere. So I walk into my office and I see my.

I have a black sweater that I wear in my office because it gets chilly with the air conditioning in here. I. But I leave it here, and I saw my sweater on my chair inside out. Oh, that's interesting. And that's very unusual because I usually take it off, and then I hang it up on the chair, on the back of the chair. And I thought, that's weird. And so I took it off and I shook it, and I thought, well, that's stuck my hands in the sleeves and trying to feel around for this hard thing. And I slid my chair back, and there it was in the blue carpet.

So obviously it didn't even. It wasn't really that bright and shiny. The light wasn't shining it that brightly. So I looked down at first, and it looked like a piece of land. And so I got down and I looked, and sure enough, I thought, oh. Oh, my God. I can't believe that's it. Now you have to understand there was a lot of praying going on, too, in these, in the last day and a half, too.

But I just sat there and I just all kind of came flooding back of thank you, thank you, thank you. Just immense gratitude, but then also kind of gratitude for myself that I felt great about not losing my mind about it. And it just taught me that there's so much about resilience on how to manage high functioning anxiety in moments of crisis. And it's always about using that anxiety as an alert system, a way to guide ourselves back into a place of calm and control. And so I always encourage you, always, the next time you find yourself in a situation that, frankly, sends your anxiety through the roof, remember the RBA method, okay? Remember to ground yourself. Recognize your feelings. Take a breath. See where the situation fits in this, the whole spectrum of your development.

Why did it happen right then and there? Was it, were you supposed to be thinking about this and then take action. Always apply what you've learned and the skills that you've taken and take action. And I know you've got this. I really appreciate you listening to the story, and I hope you got a little bit out of this, because I know you've been through hard times too in your life, and it's really important that we all just keep practicing the skill and I for the little things so when the big things happen, we can enlist the same skills.

So again, if you ever enjoy these episodes, be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who might need a little extra calm in their life. And until next time, stay resilient, calm, and remember, you're stronger than you think.

Okay, that's a wrap for this week. The Anxiety Ease podcast is produced by myself, and the music is provided by Pixabay.

For more episodes or to get in touch anytime, you can visit my website, www.drlisahartwell.com. and if you do like the show, please leave us a review on iTunes. It really helps us out a lot. Also, if you want to see where you fall in the continuum of your high functioning anxiety, head on over to the link that's found in the show notes at hartwellanxietyassessment.com. our channel.