5 Tips for Managing High-Functioning Anxiety During the Back-to-School Season

“We just don’t want to survive and get through life and get through school. But how do we help (our kids) thrive? How do we help ourselves thrive as parents?” ~Dr. Lisa Hartwell

Aloha and welcome,

What strategies do you use to help your children (or yourself) manage the anxiety of starting a new school year?

In this episode of Anxiety Ease, we’ll dive into the nitty-gritty of managing high-functioning anxiety in both teens and parents as we navigate the back-to-school season.

With practical steps, lots of love, and a sprinkle of my own personal experiences, I’ll offer essential insights on how to help our kids not only survive but thrive during this pivotal stage of their lives.

Together, we can navigate these challenges with resilience and grace. You’ve got this, and I’m right here with you.

Happy First Day Back to School!
Dr. Lisa Hartwell

p.s. Here's the link I mentioned: Sleep Without Overthinking: A Professional’s 3-Step Mini-Guide to Sleep and Success (even) with High Functioning Anxiety.  

It includes a training video, guided imagery meditation, and easy tracker system to help you eliminate overthinking. It's time to finally enjoy the peaceful slumber you deserve. Let's unlock the secret to stop the mind chatter as soon as your head hits the pillow. Click here to purchase for only $9 introductory price. 

Episode Links:

Stop the Insomnia! Here's it is: Sleep Without Overthinking: A Professional’s 3-Step Mini-Guide to Sleep and Success (even) with High Functioning Anxiety. It includes a training video, guided imagery meditation, and easy tracker system to help you eliminate overthinking. It's time to finally enjoy the peaceful slumber you deserve. Let's unlock the secret to stop the mind chatter as soon as your head hits the pillow. Click here to purchase for only $9 introductory price.

Get your copy of Dr. Hartwell's new book, Cultivating Professional Success: Even When High Functioning Anxiety Drives You To The Edge at www.drlisahartwell.com

Enroll in my FREE Hartwell Anxiety Assessment: www.hartwellanxietyassessment.com

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram: @drlisahartwellanxietyreslience

Join my supportive community for ambitious professionals and business owners who struggle with overwhelm & high-functioning anxiety: https://www.facebook.com/drlisahartwell

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Transcript

Episode 56:  5 Tips for Managing High-Functioning During the Back-to-School Season

You know, we just don't want to survive and get through life and get through school. But how do we help them thrive? How do we help ourselves thrive as parents? Aloha and welcome. You're listening to the Anxiety Ease podcast and I'm your host, Dr. Lisa Hartwell. I'm a Hawaii licensed clinical psychologist, anxiety coach and retreat facilitator and this podcast season, I'm going to be sharing mine and other human stories lessons for my fellow brain nerds who love science like I do and our own life's journey to live life with more ease. I hope to give you doses of inspiration and let's just have a whole lot of fun together.

Hey hey, my fellow high achievers. I wanted to let you know that I came up with a little mini guide to help you get back to sleep. And I know what it's like when your head hits the pillow, and that is the minute the overthinking kicks in, doesn't it? And that's why most of my folks with high functioning anxiety, to be honest with you, that's why they call me. They say they can't sleep and they're so tired and they kind of need help with just getting back to sleep. And of course, we kind of know that it's high functioning anxiety, but we got to get you to sleep first before we address anything else. So I just created a little mini guide for you. It's going to cost you less than a cup of coffee or two that you usually have to probably get through your day. So go ahead and check out the link in the show notes and let me know what you think. Here's the link I added later in the transcript:  https://info.drlisahartwell.com/sleep-without-overthinking

Full Episode Transcript:
Hey there, amazing fellow parents. I kind of want to talk about managing our high functioning anxiety in our kiddos. It is back to school season pretty soon. For, well, for us, it is for this next week, but then for a lot of you, probably isn't for maybe another couple weeks or so. But I kind of wanted to talk to you today about navigating the tricky waters of high functioning anxiety when it's time to go back to school and we're diving into a topic that's near and dear to many of us. We have our first high schooler. We only have one child.

However, every stage has been fun and interesting and exciting, but high school has been a word that I have been tripping up on these past couple weeks. And this summer kind of has finally hit me that managing everyone's anxiety in the house is on a different level as they basically, he heads into his first year of high school. And I just want you to know, trust me, I know how daunting this is. But we can do it together because I know we got this. So let's go ahead and set the scene right. The smell of fresh notebooks. Everybody looks so good in their new clothes, and everybody's shoes are still clean, at least for the first couple of weeks. And we had the orientation last night for high school.

And those kids are just like I always say, they're like puppies. They're just so happy to see each other. And the giggling and the laughing and just the, you know, shimming up to each other. It's actually sweet because it's every single year it happens and there's nothing like it. And, you know, while it's exciting for everyone, you can tell there's also a breeding ground for anxiety, especially for high functioning anxiety, in not only our teenagers, but in our parents. You know, us as parents and kind of want you to think about, you know, sometimes my kid has it all together, so why is there anxiety? And you always have to think about it, even for yourself. High functioning anxiety is a sneaky little thing. It kind of hides behind perfectionism, overachievement, and sometimes even a smile, so you wouldn't even know that exists.

And I always think about the place we start is with ourselves. Right. So our kids definitely pick up on our own emotions as much as they're their own. And so we have to make sure we're keeping ourselves in check. So any of these steps that I kind of want to talk about applies not only to ourselves, but to our kiddos as well. And it's all for the intention of, you know, we just don't want to survive and get through life and get through school. But how do we help them thrive? How do we help ourselves thrive as parents? Now, we happen to have a really lovely school that our son is in and just a really amazing group of parents. And so we definitely are community and supporting each other.

And sometimes it's just about sharing how you're feeling with your own, you know, kind of anxiety that's kind of coming up for the year, or even if it's something as simple as. Man, I did not understand what they said in that email. Okay, what did you. How did you interpret that? Sometimes it's just nice to have a community like that. But one of the things I want to kind of go through is let's just kind of break this down and what it might look like step by step. So just to kind of give you some support. And the first one I was thinking of was keeping the open lines of communication going and let's talk about talking. And, yeah, communication is key, however, especially with teenagers.

Have you ever noticed how your teenagers mood change when they actually feel heard? It's really like, or anybody, for that matter. Right. But it's like a weight lifted off their shoulders, really. It's up to us to create a safe space for them to express their worries and fears. Maybe it's during a car ride, which is one of my favorite places to get our son to talk. Maybe it's over a cup of tea or a soda or milk, whatever you're, your kiddo drinks, or even while walking a dog, if you have one, or, you know, petting your furry feline. But you know what the trick is, is just finding those moments and just listening. No judgment, no fixing, just listening.

And I would add to that, just ask. Ask how they're feeling about something. Our son has a habit of asking kind of obscure questions out of the blue when you're not even talking about that topic. And if my husband and I are in the car together, we'll usually look at each other and we'll know to say, why? What do you think about that? Because he's kind of always asking a question, but we'll ask him back, why? What made you think of that? What were you thinking? So he really wants to share his opinion or what he's thinking about not necessarily wanting an answer in the moment. And so it kind of really keeps you present and opening to listening to what they have to say in response. That's a big one. And those little interludes of a way of communicating helps you for the big moments when you have to talk about hard stuff sometimes. So the second one is establishing a routine.

This is a big one. Routines, I want you to think of it as they're really the unsung heroes of calmness. Remaining calm is an outgrowth of having a routine. Routine provides structure and predictability, which is really incredibly soothing for someone with an anxious mind. I always say, encourage your teen to set up a daily schedule. It doesn't have to be rigid because flexibility is important. Is key, actually. But having a general plan for the day helps reduce the anxiety of the unknown.

I always say it's like creating the guardrails, you kind of have the boundary of each side in which they can navigate through, but within those guardrails is the flexibility because, you know, this is where the structure lies, and that's super important. The third step I always talk about is honestly teaching them the power of no. And when you talk about the power of no, high functioning anxiety teens and sometimes parents, all of us are taking on too much, trying to druggle school, extracurricular activities, their social life, you know, trying to keep them off social media and their phones and their gaming. Oh, why? They're aiming for perfection. And one of the things that we have to learn from ourselves and so we can teach our kids is to teaching them that it's okay to say no to something. It's okay to not sign up for everything. It is not a sign of weakness. And in fact, it's a form of self care.

We have to help them and help ourselves prioritize our activities and honestly focus on what truly brings them joy and fulfillment. Now, there's some basics, right? Like you have your have to haves, which is your classes. But on some point, if you don't get a 4.0, we did this great, interesting exercise at orientation yesterday, which was they showed how it's about the bigger picture. Might be some Ivy League schools that you have to have a 4.0, and that's fine, but that's probably not every single kid in that school. So what are the other pieces that bring them joy and fulfillment that actually expands their quote unquote, resume to get into college or into whatever is their next thing, that step that they're going to do after high school, really, if you focus on joy and fulfillment, you can't lose, and therefore, you might have to say no to some things. And then step four, I always talk about, you know, kind of looping back as an antidote for any kind of anxious mind is mindfulness and relaxation techniques. And it's not just for adults, of course. Introducing your teen to mindfulness practices can be a game changer, and it could be as simple as teaching them to take a few deep breaths before a big test.

I always say, you know, before our son gets out of the car, you know, just sit for a moment instead of just jumping out of the car and grabbing the backpack and the instrument and all these different things, you know, just taking a few deep breaths and saying, all right, I love you. Have a great day. Do your best. Just those moments. And then something as simple as moving their bodies is a huge one, no matter what it is. It doesn't have to be a formal sport. It could just be going for a walk or for a short run or something. And then, of course, you know me, I love my guided meditations, and kids love these.

Do not underrate them. Kids love listening to meditation. So see if you can find a good one to listen to together. You know, these techniques help ground them in the present moment and reduce the overwhelming feelings, especially of high functioning anxiety that comes and goes. And then step five is definitely encourage healthy habits. And I always say, you know, you got to encourage your kid to eat well and sleep is a big one because all of a sudden they want to stay up later. And again, remember the guardrails of setting up, structure of when bedtime is shutting off all of the electronics. And then on the flip side of that, staying active when they are awake.

You know, physical health plays a huge role in mental well being, and I encourage you to even join them in a fun activity. And whenever you think about it, sometimes that might just be, like I said, taking the dog for a walk, going on a bike ride, cooking together. It's kind of a win win for everyone. I like doing that kind of stuff with our son because it's his time to actually chit chat. And then, you know, again, where none of us are above to seek professional help, we definitely have done that in our lives. Our child is neurodiverse, so he needs extra strategies in helping with organization and focus in that. So, you know, seek out support. We all have to do it, and we're all in this together.

And you're certainly not alone. Parenting a high schooler, not only with high functioning anxiety or a parent that has it as well, is challenging. But you know what? With, like, strategies and structure, lots of love, we can all work on this together to navigate these next years with resilience and grace and all positive outcomes are just amazing to watch happen. If you have any questions about this or need more personalized advice, go ahead and reach out. We're, like I said, we're all in this together. And in the meantime, I want you to stay calm, stay strong, and remember, you got this. We all do. Take care.